Showing posts with label book. Show all posts
Showing posts with label book. Show all posts

Saturday, 6 August 2016

Dirty Thirty: A Memoir by Asa Akira


Dirty Thirty: A Memoir by Asa Akira

Date of Publication: August 9, 2016

Blurb


Get Inside Asa Akira!

The world knows her as a porn star. . . but it's her way with words that will touch you again and again. As she contemplates turning thirty years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Asa's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage and celebrity come together in this surprising book of essays that will have you laughing hysterically one minute and deep in reverent thought the next. Personally revealing as well as universal, Dirty Thirty marks the coming of age of a new literary star.

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About Asa Akira



Asa Akira is a Japanese-American actress who has appeared in over 300 adult films. Her many awards include AVN's "Performer of the Year" award in 2013. In addition to acting and writing, she hosts a regular podcast on sex and relationships and is the author of Insatiable: Porn - a Love Story.

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Tuesday, 2 August 2016

Review: Hawke

Hawke Hawke by R.J. Lewis
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Hello Sexy!!!

Mysterious man with a dangerous past and a dangerous present life that intrigues me and who is an alpha to the boot and a bad ass motherfucking biker....give him to me anytime of day. Anytime.... just give him to me please.

Hawke, you were all that and more.. please let me dream of you. at least just one good good dream!

Tyler. you were all good for Hawke...Little young'un wanting the big ass biker. you remind me of me in my dreams when I think men like that would be good for me. but I know better...

Again, R.J.Lewis can write. the plot was intense and holy gods of Sumerian lore...that twist at the end. I never for once thought that it was that guy who betrayed the club. Nope, not even once which is how it is supposed to be.

Loved it. and I recommend to everyone. Now let me head to another one of your good books cause I am hooked.

Friday, 17 June 2016

Review: Broken Dove

Broken Dove Broken Dove by Kristen Ashley
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Far too young, Apollo Ulfr lost Ilsa, his wife, the love of his life and the mother of his two children. The grief of her loss does not settle in his soul, it solders to it. But when he discovers there is a parallel universe where his wife may have a twin, he feels there's hope and sets about bringing her to his world so he can have her back. But Ilsa Ulfr of our world is married to the parallel universe's twin, Pol, who is not a good man. Not in any way. She's on the run from him and the last thing she wants is to be transported to a fantastical world and be forced to take his side as his wife, even if he is not Pol. And Apollo finds the broken, bitter Ilsa nothing like his beloved and he further wants nothing to do with her. But darkness is looming and evil is amassing. Apollo must protect his land and keep his family safe, including the new Ilsa.

SO I think I have reread this three times in the space of two weeks.

Fair enough to say that this is one heck of an adventure that had me wishing it happened to me. well not the beating part but almost everything else.

I loved this book and as a person who loves fiction I have to say this book is now series is now highlighting my favourite books ever.

I loved me all the characters and KA fever is slowly setting in! loved it.


Review: The Player

The Player The Player by Kresley Cole
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
A madman with a shadowed past . . . In the City of Sin, Dmitri Sevastyan finds her, Victoria Valentine—sexy, vulnerable, and in need of a protector. Obsession takes root deep inside him. Despite a history tainted with violation and betrayal, he will stop at nothing to possess her. A grifter with nothing to lose . . . Descended from a long line of con artists, twenty-four-year-old Victoria, a.k.a Vice, needs the score of a lifetime to keep her loved ones safe. She sets her sights on gorgeous and rich Dmitri Sevastyan. Even as the irresistible Russian toys with her body and mind, he tempts her heart. Love is the ultimate wildcard. When Vice and her associates maneuver Dmitri into a hasty Vegas wedding, he refuses to protect himself with a pre-nup, trusting her with all that he has. But can she trust him? As secrets unfold, the newlyweds share days of doubts and nights of the wickedest pleasures. Yet once Vice discovers her husband’s past, will she stay to fight for her marriage or cut her losses and run?.



Kresley Cole I want to be you when I grow up or maybe one of your characters (the female kind). I absolutely fucking love you…I might even worship you. I swear…

I loved…loved…LOVED this book. The player made my day today as I read it April 25, 2016. It was a good day because of this book. I kept smiling like a crazy person and thinking wow, will you like ever write something I do not like? And the answer was simple…nope. I do not think that will happen. I mean, we can see this from the past and seeing as I have read all your books and none of them disappointed I am thinking I will always love your books.

The Player.

In the game maker series I do not know what to say which one was my absolute favorite because all the three Russians brothers were hot and just to my exact taste. I loved them all but Dmitri brought something new…something not very new but something I thought was freaking amazing.

No spoilers here but wow, that switch up near the end. I was amazed and in awe. Wow…I did not expect it but when I realized what had happened I was amazed and fell in love with the man Dmitri was even more…

I want to be Victoria.

Seriously!!

Their love story (Victoria and Dmitri) was very interesting and I was not bored one singe bit. I am in love….so in love..

Five stars…that I will be rereading soon again.

And honestly for all who have read this, did a part of you want to read about Victoria’s sister and Walker? I want their story….

Oh my…thank Kresley. This was amazing as expected.

Sunday, 12 June 2016

Review: All the Rage

All the Rage All the Rage by T.M. Frazier
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

They call me Rage. My real name is like a shadow, always close behind, but never quite able to catch up. I fly under the radar because no one ever suspects I’m capable of the kind of brutal violence I commit each and every day. You see, I’m a girl. I’m nineteen. And I'm a killer. This life is all I know. It’s all I want to know. It keeps the s**t buried that I need kept buried. It allows me to live without thinking too much. Without dwelling on the past. Until him. It all changes when an ordinary boy becomes my next target. And my first love. I have to choose. The only life I’ve ever known has to die, or he does. Either way, I’ll be the one pulling the trigger...




Well rage, I have been wailing for your book for a while now and I have o say as usual T.M. Frazier did not disappoint. It was a good book, a really really really good book.

I loved it. It had all the elements I usually want in a book…from hot main characters with crazy characteristics all the way to very hot and extremely hot sex. Mrs. Frazier you had me fanning myself at times, it was that hot.

I did not put this book down until I finished it all and I am carefully thinking okay forget about thinking I want a hardcopy of this pronto…I need it to put in my all time favorite.

Rage…

You were simply put…golden. I loved that you were a strong girl who had weird shit going on for her that I would not want in real life but still I loved you. It is character like this that I love..For some weird reason.

Nolan…

You came off as this guy who was sweet and normal…that is in the beginning. Until the true marvelous colors you tried to hook off came to light. And those alpha tendencies I love so much came to full light.

The two of you together….

You two were a bomb...the bomb. The perfect couple.

Cannot say anything more…

I loved it.

my only issue with it, is that I wanted it to be longer.

Friday, 22 April 2016

Review: The Golden Dynasty


The Golden Dynasty
by Kristen Ashley
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I do not know what was better about this book, me reading this book and the main Lahn who kept reminding me so much of Jason Momoa's character Khal Drogo in game of thrones or what!
It was a love story and an adventure that surpassed so many books I have read in the recent months. I do not even know how I decided to read this series in the first. All I can say is that I am thankful to have read such an amazing book.
The Golden dynasty was fantastically weird at some points especially the beginning when the wife hunt was on but after that I found myself falling for every thing.
A sweet, marvelous ride and a real true pleasure reading this.
Lahn and Circe, you sweethearts!

Monday, 11 April 2016

Brotherhood of Misfits: Paul, Book Two By Khai L. Bayne










Brotherhood of Misfits: Paul, Book Two
By Khai L. Bayne
Romantic Suspense, Mystery
Available: April 16, 2016

Buy The Book


Blurb

Not all things that glitter are made of gold.

My name is Paul Kian McKinnon. I grew up with upper class, wealthy parents who had successful jobs, the best education money could buy, friends in all the most popular circles, and of course ideal grades. My good fortune spilled over into my adult life. To most people my life is what you would call privileged. At first glance you would think I have everything together, healthy bank account, beautiful house, good job, and great friends. Everything is perfect, until… The door to the outside world closes.

At home everything falls apart. In this place, I am my most vulnerable. Every night I try silence my inner demons in a sea of sleeping pills and alcohol, but sometimes that isn’t enough. Sometimes it gets to be too much and I need to do more than simply just dull the anxiety, pain, and the all-encompassing numbness. Yes, I know it’s not healthy, but it’s all I have… Well that and my brothers, the Misfits as we are called.

We were all brought together thanks to the kindness of Jethro-Elijah Shepard. Through his compassionate heart and stern beliefs, we’ve grown up together into strong, loyal, friends. We’ve celebrated each other’s wins, as well as comforting each other in our loses. Those men have been more of a family to me than my own flesh and blood, and yet I still can’t bring myself to share the darkest parts of me. They won’t understand because they see me just as the rest of the world does… Perfect.

What would happen if I dropped the mask and let it splinter like the pieces of my broken soul?


Would they save me?
The better question is… Do I want to save myself, or do I just want to fade away into the abyss of pain and suffering?

Am I ready to peel away the beautiful covering and let them look at the ugliness underneath?

In order to find out you’ll have to read my story, and trust me when I say… it won’t be for the faint of heart.


(This is the Second book in the Brotherhood of Misfits series. It can be a stand alone BUT to full get to know the characters it is best to read Book One.)

Buy The Book

Other Books In The Series

Brotherhood of Misifts: ROC, Book One

About The Author

Growing up in a small town Khai L. Bayne always had an over active imagination. The only girl in a family with two boys, many of her nights (and some days.) were spent finding creative ways to pass the time. The daughter of a long time "Trekkie" and "Sci-Fi Junkie", you could say it was imbedded into her DNA to be a fan of the paranormal world. Now over three decades later, her depraved imagination and love for the world of "Grown-up make believe". She has decided to share her depravity with the rest of the world.

Connect with Khai L. Bayne

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Sunday, 10 April 2016

The Redemption of Julian Price by Victoria Vane

Title: The Redemption of Julian Price
Author: Victoria Vane
Genre: Historical Romance
Release Date: April 11, 2016


Blurb

She gave him a chance to bury his past… but the price would be his heart.. 
Burdened by the past… Orphaned at a young age and left to run wild, at eighteen Julian Price joins the fight against Napoleon in the hope of attaining honor. Devastated when his best friend, Thomas, is killed in battle, Julian returns home burdened with guilt, only to find his wastrel uncle has squandered his inheritance. 

Desperate to live her own life… Facing a future of drudgery caring for her aging mother and raising her brother's children, Henrietta Houghton believes her chance at a real life died with Thomas, the only man who ever wanted her. But Henrietta is still full of dreams. When her wealthy aunt, offers her a gift of ten thousand pounds, Henrietta finally has the chance to choose her own destiny. 

Everything has a price...With a fortune at her command, Henrietta offers Julian a marriage of convenience, unaware that she really offers Julian a means of salvation—not just his fortune, but his very soul.

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Excerpt

“What is it like?” she suddenly asked.
“What is what like?” he replied carefully, wondering how the devil to extricate himself from this damnable line of conversation.
“Coupling with another,” she said.
“It’s impossible to describe,” he replied. “There is no other comparable experience.”
“Then I don’t understand why so many women regard it as an unpleasant duty.”
 “Perhaps some are soured by a clumsy first experience or by a selfish or insensitive lover.” 
 “I know the first time can be painful, but what do you mean by selfish and insensitive?”
“Must we continue this conversation, Hen?” he pleaded. “It’s damnably awkward.”
“Why?” she asked. “I have questions, and you have answers. There is no one else I can ask about these things. Do you honestly think Harry or my mother would tell me anything?”
“What about your married sisters?” he suggested.
She bent to pick another flower. His gaze lingered on the outline of her arse. To his chagrin, he was once more feeling stirrings below. Why was he having such lustful fancies about Henrietta when he had a willing mistress to warm his bed? Maybe that was the trouble? He’d been too long away from Muriel. But Muriel wasn’t the one currently inspiring his sexual fantasies.
“They would only blush and titter and speak in euphemisms,” she continued. “All I want is to understand what I would be giving up if I do not wed.” She lowered herself to the grassy bank and cast her gaze out over the shimmering water with a sigh. “They say one does not miss what ones does not know, but I don’t think that’s really true, do you?”
“From a man’s perspective, you would be right,” he agreed. “The sexual drive is very strong in men. We instinctively know what we are missing.”
“But women don’t?” she asked.
He tied the horses and sat down beside her. “Perhaps some do,” he agreed. “But those are generally women who make themselves available to satisfy men’s lust.”
“You speak of prostitutes? But I thought you said any woman could enjoy . . . coupling.”
“It depends on both the man and the woman,” he said. “If a man only seeks to satisfy himself, she is unlikely to experience any pleasure.”
“So a man must desire to please a woman?”
“Yes, Hen.”
“Oh. That’s interesting. I didn’t know that. Does it also hurt a man the first time?” she asked.
“No,” he answered tersely.
“So it’s always pleasurable?”
He hesitated and then shook his head, recalling the utter humiliation of his first sexual experience. “No. Not always.”
“You mean it wasn’t for you?” she softly prompted.
“It was at first, and then it wasn’t,” he replied.
“I don’t understand you,” she said. “Would you please explain?”
Julian hesitated to speak of what he had never shared with a soul, not even Thomas.
“Please, Julian,” she persisted.
Suddenly restless, he stood and scanned the bank for a skimming stone. “Do you recall the week before my sixteenth birthday when Winston arrived with four carriages full of guests?”
“Yes,” she laughed. “Who could forget? He supplied the village with a year’s worth of salacious scandal. Is it true what the servants said?”
“That he hosted a week-long orgy? Yes, Hen. And once he realized it was my birthday, he took it upon himself to initiate me to manhood.” It was only then that Winston even remembered his existence. In retrospect, Julian wished he hadn’t. In that single week, Winston introduced Julian to all manner of vice—gaming, drinking, and whores. Eager for acceptance, Julian had embraced it all. He might have pitched completely into the moral abyss were it not for Thomas, who’d brought him back from the brink.
“My first experience was at the hands of one of Winston’s whores.” He sent a stone bouncing over the water.
“But you didn’t enjoy it?” she asked.
“I did until she recounted the experience in minute detail to the entire party. I was utterly humiliated while they all had an enormous laugh at my expense.”
“How cruel! I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“Me too,” he said.
“Sometimes I try to imagine what it must be like to be with someone that way.”
That remarked snagged his attention. “You fantasize, Hen?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I have kissing dreams.”
“Kissing dreams?” he repeated. “And who exactly do you kiss in these dreams?” Was it Thomas or someone else? Did he really wish to know?
“I don’t know,” she replied. “You know how vague dreams can be.”
Her pink tongue darted out to wet her lips.  Was it a subtle invitation? Did Henrietta desire to be kissed? Julian tamped down the powerful urge to do just that. For once begun, he could never end it with just a kiss. He’d grown uncomfortably aware of her physically and feared he would soon be fully aroused. Kissing her could only end in ruin, shame, and disgrace.
We should return now,” he said abruptly.
“But it’s still early,” Henrietta protested. “Can’t we stay here for a while? Harry won’t return for hours yet.”

 “That is not what I needed to hear, Hen.” He’d resisted the urge to kiss her, but any more time alone with Henrietta would only be tempting the devil. “Let’s go. Now.” Before I do something I shall surely regret.

About The Author

Victoria Vane is a bestselling author of smart and sexy contemporary romance and an award-winning author of historical romance. Her books have received many accolades to include the 2016 Red Carpet Award for Jewel of the East, 2014 RONE Award for Treacherous Temptations as well as Library Journal Best E-Book romance of 2012 for The Devil DeVere series.
 







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Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Eight Ways to Ecstasy by Jeanette Grey


Date of Publication: April 5, 2016

Blurb


Kate Reid's whirlwind romance with billionaire playboy Rylan Bellamy complicated her life in ways she'd worked to avoid. She'd fallen hard for his flirtatious charm and given him the one thing no other man had: her trust. Just as Kate began to imagine a future with Rylan, everything fell apart.
Now she's starting over in New York...but even the glittering streets of Manhattan can't erase the memory of Rylan knocking her off her feet and sweeping her into the most erotic, unforgettable week of her life.
It's been months, and Rylan still can't forget Kate. Months since he bared his soul at her feet. Months since he drove away the only woman to ever make him feel. Kate changed his world and now Rylan is determined to win her back-no matter what it takes. After crossing an ocean to reach her, he makes a deal with Kate: One more week, for one more chance. Now it's up to Rylan to show Kate all the ways they fit together . . . and prove that this player has met his perfect match.

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About Jeanette Grey



Jeanette Grey started out with degrees in physics and painting, which she dutifully applied to stunted careers in teaching, technical support, and advertising. When she isn't writing, Jeanette enjoys making pottery, playing board games, and spending time with her husband and her pet frog. She lives, loves, and writes in upstate New York.

Find Jeanette Grey Online

Teaser

The gate he'd left ajar swung wider, and a second later, Kate poked her head in through the gap.
A little more of the stiffness in Rylan's spine faded away. He didn't even have to force a smile.
"Hey," he said, sitting up straighter.
"Hey yourself." Kate slipped inside and eased the gate back into place.
His grin grew as he took her in. She looked ready to work, for all that he'd assured her he had people coming to do the heavy lifting. Her long, dark hair was tied back in a simple braid, and he envisioned untying it later, combing his fingers through the loose locks. He licked his lips, looking forward to taking off her jeans.
Sliding those little purple Converse from her feet.
But first, he had to get them to that point. Not for the first time, he second-guessed his decision to ask her to meet him here. If anything would scare her off, it would be his father's mansion. It typified all the things he'd originally imagined she'd abhor. Huge and hollow and useless. A waste.
Like he had been, when she'd met him. She'd accepted him then all the same.
And he had to give her creditóshe did a pretty good job of pretending not to notice her surroundings as she made her way over to him. Her stride remained casual, her shoulders loose. But her gaze kept wandering, her brows gradually creeping up toward her hairline. He could almost see the questions bubbling up to her lips.
He patted the space beside him as she neared, beckoning her to sit.
She did, pointing at the coffees to the other side of him. "Is one of those for me?"
"It might be." He picked hers up and held it out to her, but as she went to take it from him, he grabbed it back. "It isn't free, though."
"Oh, no?"
"Nope." He presented his cheek for a kiss in payment.
Rolling her eyes, she sighed, but she leaned in easily enough. Her lips lingered against his skin, and he reached up to cup the side of her neck, holding her in place as he turned.
Her mouth opened beneath his, and he hummed into the kiss, darting out his tongue to taste the soft pout of her lower lip. She smelled shower-fresh, sweet and warm, and her hair had the tiniest bit of dampness to it as he slid his palm higher, cradling the back of her head.
She pulled away a long second later, blinking slowly at him, her eyes a little glazed. She came back to herself quickly enough. "That was an expensive cup of coffee."
Chuckling, he handed it over, and watched as she brought it to her lips. The gentle, pink curve of them eased upward.
Her gaze darted over to him. "You remember."
Of course he did. Two more sugars than he thought was a good idea and enough cream to turn it a pale, milky tan.
He remembered everything that gave her pleasure. Everything he could do to make her smile.
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Remembering Everly by JL Berg


Date of Publication: April 5, 2016

Blurb


He's forgotten his past, but it hasn't forgotten him. After losing two years of his life trapped in a coma, August Kincaid will do anything to win back the love of his life. But his past threatens to destroy his second chance at happiness, it's Everly who is in danger of paying for his crimes.

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About JL Berg



Author J.L. Berg is a California native living in the South. She is the author of the self-pubbed Ready series. When she's not writing, you can find her with her nose stuck in a romance book, in a yoga studio, or devouring anything chocolate.

Find JL Berg Online

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Forgetting August by JL Berg


Date of Publication: April 5, 2016

Blurb


She can forgive, but can she forget?
Some days, Everly still thinks she sees him. In the food court at the mall, or in a car speeding past as the light changes. It only lasts a second, but when it happens, she slips back to a time when she was ruled-and nearly ruined-by August Kincaid. And it doesn't matter that she's moved on, that she's about to marry another man. In those moments the only thing she can do to regain control is take a deep breath and remind herself that August can't hurt her-because he's in a coma. Except that he's not anymore.
August is awake. With no memories, he sets out to solve the mystery of his lost life. He unearths a photograph of a beautiful redhead named Everly and knows instinctively that she's the key. But when he finds her, the August she describes is more monster than man.
Tortured by the thought of having hurt her, August wants only to become the man Everly deserves. As the new August emerges, Everly glimpses the person she first fell in love with. But can she trust that this August is real? When the final secret of their shared past is revealed, one of them will make a choice that changes their future forever . . .

Available From


About JL Berg



Author J.L. Berg is a California native living in the South. She is the author of the self-pubbed Ready series. When she's not writing, you can find her with her nose stuck in a romance book, in a yoga studio, or devouring anything chocolate.

Find JL Berg Online

Teaser

Chapter One
Everly
I saw him again today.
It was at the mall this time.
He was wearing a grey suit and it was just seconds this time before he disappeared around a corner and my life returned to normal once more.
It had been two years and yet I still saw him. Everywhere.
The day after that fateful night, I saw him in our neighborhood walking a dog. Months later, he was next to me at a stoplight when I went out for groceries. Two weeks ago when Ryan got down on one knee and placed a dazzling diamond ring on my left hand, I swear I saw his face the minute I said yes.
He was like a ghostómy own personal poltergeist.
I knew it wasn't really him. My therapist had reminded me of that simple fact over a thousand times, but that didn't stop my heart from skipping a beat or my lungs deflating of air every time I saw someone that looked like him pass in my direction.
It could be the color of a person's hair or the way someone laughed that set my body on edge.
Today, it was simply a suit.
Tailored, dark grey with a small pinstripe. The style had been his favorite, and even though the man who wore it looked nothing like him, I still found myself frozen in the middle of the food court.
Still as ice, unable to move.
Because life really didn't move on from a person such as August Kincaid.
No, you simply learned to adapt and above all, you survived.
And that was what I had been doing for the last two years.
Surviving.
"Hey, you went blank again. Are you okay?" Sarah asked.
I looked around, and the world suddenly shifted back into focus. Children cried and
begged for ice cream, teenagers laughed and flirted as they walked by us. The smell of cinnamon rolls and cheap Chinese food mixed and mingled, as people pushed and shoved their way around to get in ridiculously long lines. Life went on around me as I returned to the land of the living.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I assured her. Concern was written all over her beautiful, trim face. Her hand lifted briefly as if she were going to offer a hug, but quickly decided against it.
"Okay," she answered, defeat clearly written all over her face. She knew I wouldn't talk about it.
I never did.
There were certain things that just didn't need to be shared.
Specific memories of my past were one of them.
She already knew I was a nutcase yet for some reason became my friend despite this. I guess we had that specific trait in common. We'd met in the waiting room at my therapist's office. She was a recovering purger, or at least that's what she called it. Since the time Sarah was barely old enough to vote, she'd been suffering from a variety of eating disorders. She attributed her illnesses to a dance mentor who'd never thought she was thin enough to be a ballerina.
"When all you want to do is be the Swan Princess in Swan Lake, you make sacrifices," she'd told me that day in the office very matter-of-factly. Sarah was at peace with her issues. She'd gone through years of counseling and this year would finally be the swan princess she always dreamed of beingófully in control of what she considered her "livable flaws."
Me?
Well, I guess we all had issues that lingered. Some had visible flaws they could see in the mirror, touch with their handsÖmeasure on a scale. Others, like me, had memories that woke us from sleep and haunted our waking hours, making normal, wellódifferent.
I doubted there would ever be any glorious end of the rainbow moment that would somehow magically cure me of all my flaws.
But, I was working on it and Ryan had made a world of difference in my once bleak outlook on life. Now I saw possibilities where there once was only darkness. He brought hope to my sadness and light to my life. There wasn't a day that went by that I wasn't thankful for his persistence in seeking me out.
I'd been a hard one to nail down, or so he told me.
"So, are you ready?" she asked, grabbing my hand and moving away from the frozen yogurt and fried food.
"As I'll ever be," I sighed, taking one last longing look at the exit.
"Oh come on. Most girls are excited to do this. Hell, I've been excited for this day for weeks!"
"Then say you're me," I begged, as we turned the corner and my eyes spotted the brightly lit sign at the end of the walkway. I could feel the groan already forming, the deep rumbling sound vibrating through my lungs as it made its way up to express my displeasure.
"Everly Adams. You will not ruin this for me! This is your day and you will enjoy it!" "I thought my day was several months from now," I joked.
"As the blushing bride-to-be, you will have lots of days between now and then. Get used
to the attention."
I groaned again, looking at the floor-to-ceiling windows that displayed more tulle and
sequins than I'd seen in my entire life. "We should have eloped."
"This is horrid, Sarah," I whined, shuffling out of the dressing room in a gown that could only be described as a cross between the Little Mermaid and that scary Alfred Hitchcock movie with all the birds.
"It's beautiful! And so fashion forward," she practically squealed, clapping her hands together like a happy toddler who had just been given a lollipop for supper. "Look at the way the fabric gathers together, making it look like tiny feathers at the bottom of the skirt. So dramatic."
"That," I said, pointing to my calves," is also where my legs are supposed to be able to move back and forth. It's called walking. I look ridiculous!"
"Walking is so overrated. Besides, how much walking are you planning to do in this thing?" She rolled her eyes, kneeling down to play with the skirt some more. It resulted in the tulle or whatever the puffy stuff was called doubling in size.
"There, perfect."
"I'm not wearing this," I said firmly, trying to look anywhere but at the three different mirrors all reflecting my ridiculous reflection. "Pick another one. And for the love of God, pick something lessÖwell, less you!"
I once again attempted to walk back into the dressing room, doing more of a waddle than a walk. Once there, I was joined by an attendant to assist me. There was no way I could get out of this monstrosity by myself.
"Your tattoo is lovely. Quite unique," the bridal attendant said, as she stood behind me and removed the clamps that held the dress in place. My thin, boy-like frame never did fit into sample sizes well. The lack of hips and boobs kept me in sizes most women would die to wear, but the lack of aforementioned body parts sometimes sucked. A lot.
Especially when trying on wedding dresses. Or anything remotely feminine. I felt more like a pre-pubescent boy trying on drag than a beautiful, curvy woman.
"Thank you," I answered awkwardly, as my hand instinctively reached behind my shoulder to touch the piece of me that I rarely shared with others. The walls of mirrors put my body completely on display, highlighting every rough curve and jutted angle, exposing the harsh black lines of the branch as it wove up my back and around my shoulder.
"Why doesn't the bird fly away? She's free," she said absently, her head cocked to the side as she stared at the birdcage etched on my right shoulder. It was intricate and beautiful as it hung on the barren branch, the door swung wide open for the world to peer in on the tiny bird inside.
"Maybe she's not ready yet," I answered quietly, looking away.
"Okay, I've got another one, Everly! And I promise, you're going to love it!" Sarah's singsong voice seemed to break the spell hovering above us, giving us both a startle. The attendant straightened, turning quickly as I retreated into the corner to grab the satin robe. I'd just fastened it around my waist when she opened the door to let Sarah in.
"Tell me you love me," Sarah said as she waltzed into the room, holding up a simple ivory colored empire waist gown with a small amount of beading around the neckline and not a single bit of organza or tulle in sight.
"I think I love you," I said, as my eyes widened at the understated elegance of the dress. Simple and understated. Everything I wanted to be.
"Let's try it on," she suggested, handing it to the attendant who motioned for me to come forward.
Nodding, I agreed, knowing it was unnecessary.
It was perfect and as I glanced around the room, I caught a glimpse of that tiny bird on my shoulder. The one too afraid to jump out of her cage and discover the world outside.
Soon, I would be perfect, too.
Or as close as I could be to the word.
***
"You are mine, Everly," he whispered. "Mine and mine alone. I own every part of you, every inch of your bodyÖevery breath in your lungs. You. Belong. To. Me."
"Everly," another voice murmured. "Everly, wake up. You fell asleep right at the good part again," Ryan laughed.
My eyes cracked open as the glow of the TV made me turn my head toward the comfort of his warm chest.
"Hey, sleepyhead," he said, pulling me tight against his body. "You'll never know who the winter soldier is now," he joked, his head leaning forward just close enough that I felt the heat of his breath against my neck.
"I saw that plot twist ages ago," I answered, covering a quiet yawn with my palm as I stretched in his arms.
"You always do."
"I can't help it. The story lines are always so obvious."
"And if you had written the story," he said, pulling back slightly with a boyish grin
lighting up his face, "What would you have done differently?"
"I don't knowóI'm not a scriptwriter," I answered with a shrug.
"Maybe you should be." His brow arched, challenging me to answer.
"Who's being the obvious one now, Ryan?" I asked with a huff, rising from my
comfortable spot on the couch in order to create some much needed distance. "And seriously? Scriptwriting? Pick something a little less insane next time. When have you ever seen me pick up a pen? Or sit in front of a computer?"
Whenever the subject of where I was going with my life came up, I needed space.
Unfortunately our apartment was only so big, and right now a football field or two didn't seem large enough.
"I don't want to start an argument, Ev, but I just want you to think about it."
"I have been thinking about it," I answered, stepping into the kitchen as the lights flickered on. I pulled open the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. Roughly twisting the cap off, I upturned the bottle and chugged half the contents in one gulp. Water was definitely not my first beverage of choice, but right now I didn't have the patience for anything else.
"And what have you decided?" he asked cautiously, rising from the couch to take a seat at the kitchen island across from me.
"That I'm still deciding." I held my head high, avoiding his eye contact.
I was not in the wrong here.
He sighed long and slow, and I let the silence settle between us, setting the half-empty
bottle down on the counter in front of me. A quick glint of light caught my attention as I turned my head and I swiveled back around toward my left hand, noticing the way the overhead lights reflected on the small diamond centered in the middle of the thin gold band.
Three weeks ago he'd asked me to marry him and I'd said yes.
Despite everything I'd put him throughóthe cold indifference and the numerous rebuttals to his advances, he'd loved me. When I'd told him there would always be a part of me unavailableÖthat I just couldn't share, he'd accepted me. For who I was.
And what I was willing to give him.
"I'll look at the brochures again," I said, offering up an olive branch as I stepped forward and held out the rest of my water bottle. His warm smile returned as his fingers encased mine around the plastic.
"I just want to see you succeed. In whatever you chose, Ev. Hell, you can major in basket weaving for all I care. I just want you to feel like you have a purpose in life beyond working at that coffee shop you refuse to quit."
"I know, and I love you for it," I replied, feeling the deep gaze of his eyes settle on mine. Needing to be closer to him, I walked out of the kitchen and walked into his arms at the counter where he sat.
He pulled me into his large frame, where the world felt safe and measurable again.
"I do make a mean cup of coffee," I said, my lips curving into a smile.
His fingers cupped my chin, tilting it toward his dark brown eyes.
"I know. Why do you think I kept coming back every damn day? It wasn't your charming personality."
"I thought it was my ass," I laughed, shaking it as his hands closed around each cheek and squeezed.
"Ah yes. The ass of a porn star and the mouth of a mime. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get you to talk to me."
"Such a sweet talker, and besidesóI was told to never speak to strange men," I said, quickly hating myself for saying it. My face slipped slightly as my stomach turned, rolling and churning as my mind replayed unwanted memories from my past.
I never, ever want to see you speaking to another man again. Do you understand me, Everly?
The words rolled around in my head as I tried to shake them out. In the last two years of my life, I'd had a thousand moments like this. A glance, a turn of phraseóanything could bring them on. I'd learned to recognize the symptoms and process the reaction quickly.
So quickly that Ryan didn't even seem to notice anymore.
"Well," he said, grinning, his hands slipping underneath my shirt, "I finally did wear you down. And now you're mine."
A weak smile spread across my lips, seconds before his mouth touched mine. No matter how much he loved me.
No matter how much I loved him in return.
I would never, ever belong to another person.
For as long as I lived.
***
The movie had been long forgotten, as had our clothes.
They were strung out all over the apartment, leaving a trail toward the bedroom. Little breadcrumbs of debauchery.
"Hey, it's still early; do you want to order a pizza?" Ryan yelled from the shower as I took a long breath and snuggled deeper into the covers on our bed.
"Does it require me to get out of this bed?" I whined, moving my legs back and forth against the smooth sheets. Ryan always said it looked like I was swimming in bed when I did this.
Growing up, I never had nice sheets. Hell, sometimes there were foster homes that didn't even give me sheetsójust a blanket and a dirty bare mattress.
Luxuries like Egyptian cotton sheets were things I would never grow accustomed to, no matter how many times my legs touched them. Every night, I'd sink into bed and run my legs back and forth against the smoothness, loving the way it felt against my skin.
Like Ryan, it brought me peace and made me feel safeótwo things I'd struggled with the majority of my life.
"Please, babe. I'm hungry. So very, very hungry," he said, sticking his head out the door of the bathroom. His lips turned downward, making him look years younger. I laughed, unable to resist his boyish charm.
"Okay, okay," I said, stretching one last time, before I rose to grab my robe.
"On second thought, I might need to work off a few more calories first," he said, stepping out of the bathroom in just a towel. His tanned skin was slick and wet from the shower, and I couldn't help but lick my lips as I watched a tiny drop of water skate down his chiseled chest.
Who knew nerds could be so hot?
His gaze turned heated as he stalked forward and I watched the towel drop to the floor. I stepped backward, feeling the edge of the bed hit the backs of my knees.
Our bodies met once more as his hand cupped the back of my head, tilting it upward. "I love you, Everly. I love you so much," he whispered, touching his lips to mine. I moaned into the kiss, feeling every hard inch of him press into me.
Always aware of my needs, he was gentle as he lowered me to the bed. As my head touched the pillow, I heard the sounds of a cell phone ringing throughout the apartment.
Ryan's head dipped forward, shaking back and forth.
"Just ignore it," he said.
I was already pushing at his shoulders, begging him to let me answer it.
"It can't be that important, Ev," he said, his eyes dancing with amusement. "I'm right here."
I rolled my eyes, grabbing my robe as I raced to the living room.
"It could be Sarah," I said. "She had her first rehearsal tonight."
I picked up the phone, not recognizing the number, and paused.
"Babe," Ryan said, standing in the doorway of our room. "Come back to bed. Whatever it is can wait."
I didn't listen. Instead, I answered and heard the words I had begged God to never allow to come true.
"Miss Adams?" a woman said on the other end.
"Yes," I answered.
"This is Doctor Lawrence from St. Marcus Hospital."
My heart began to beat frantically as my hand sought out something solid to hold me up.
I knew it was coming. Like a freight train in the middle of the night, I could see the light off in the distanceÖI knew what was coming.
Who was coming.
"He's awake."
The phone hit the floor seconds before I did, and then the world went black.
*******
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